Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Ugly Johnny

Until a few days ago, if you had shown me a picture of John Galliano and asked me who it was, my guess would have been Jack the Ripper in panto.

I only knew John Galliano as one of those people that designs supposedly radical stuff for the catwalk, like a jumper with the sleeves made from a soldier's uniform. Genius or The Narcissist's New Clothes? I'm always suspicious of people using military decor or royal stuff in fashions. It's the same as dressing up as Spiderman in your thirties; adopting 'power' icons simply alerts the world to a certain internal inadequacy.

He also does tacky shit they sell in Debenhams, like T-shirts with his name in big letters. There's one that looks like it has newsprint all over it, and even then the newspaper headlines say 'Go Go Galliano!'. This could have been a genuine newspaper article this week, but with 'Go, go' being used in the 'fuck off' sense of the word, rather than the supportive sense.

As the story goes; man walks into a bar (ok, a cafe), gets pissed and says 'Hey, why the long (Ok, Jewish) faces? The girls aren't Jewish but because he thinks they are he tells them their grandparents would have been gassed, that they are ugly and that he loves Hitler.

Oh God, yeah, he's a piece of anti-Semitic crap - no shit Shylock! But Hitler wasn't keen on gays either so it was also totally ridiculous - talk about low self-esteem. The man was drunk and was trying to be as offensive as possible so he brought up the subject of Hitler. He lost his job, Natalie Portman metaphorically kicked him in the nuts (hooray), he faces legal proceedings...yadda yadda yadda (to quote various people in Seinfeld, Lenny Bruce and assorted other Jews).

He deserves all he gets, except for the importance given to his words. Yes, in vino veritas. He clearly meant them, but his views on anything apart from the use of tartan with polka dots should not be respected by anyone. After the Hitler and ugly thing, I'm guessing his next killer gambit was gonna be that they were a 'poo poo'. Was it shocking? Aside from childish words coming from a decaying (to address Mr Galliano's insecurities) botoxed face, no. And even that isn't shocking. Mel Gibson did a similar thing.

I mentioned once onstage that my parents were Jewish and a man in the audience shouted 'turn the gas on'. Obviously I didn't like it but he was just an idiot who thought it was hilarious banter and that's all he knew about Jews. It's seen as the ultimate taboo to say. He came up to me afterwards and told me his mate was half-German. I explained that the war was over and that my maternal grandmother was entirely German and that at her funeral, apart from my dad's Mondeo, the car park was full of BMWs and Mercedi (what is the plural of Mercedes?) so the 'German' thing didn't really cut it. I really got the impression he was more of a tool than a genuine racist.

I'm not saying because Galliano was drunk and stupid, his words don't count. I'm aware his twattishness could set the other idiots off. He and Mel G (Anti-Semitic Spice?) were beautiful-looking and successful in age-conscious industries until they were both less so and felt the need to blame something for their fading stardom. But come on, it's so pitiful, it is funny. What you gonna blame for being an arsehole? Yourself? The booze? No, the Jews!

Next week: Katie Price blames the Dalai Lama for another failed marriage.



  1. I love this - you're clearly a genius.

  2. aw. thanks, pleased you like it :-)